


Whatever We Lose

by stellatundra



Category: Revenge (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Episode Tag, F/M, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-09 01:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellatundra/pseuds/stellatundra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda Clarke dies in her arms and Emily cries. Nolan finds her, clinging wet and shaking with cold.</p><p>A coda to episode 2.14 Sacrifice</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever We Lose

**Author's Note:**

> Episode tag for 2.14. Can be read as Nolan/Emily romance or friendship.

“For whatever we lose (like a you or a me),  
It's always ourselves we find in the sea.”  
― e.e. cummings

 

Amanda dies in her arms and Emily cries, curled up with a pain that pierces through all her armour.

Amanda was her friend, rival, ally, sister, proxy, mirror image. She’d thought of her as an obstacle, a nuisance, she’d used and manipulated her, trying to protect herself and her plans against Amanda’s intrusion. She knows now she should have spent more time trying to protect Amanda.

Jack’s words from the wedding ceremony come back to her; he spoke of a feeling he didn’t have a name for. She’d known the name but had refused to recognize it. She loved Amanda. She loved her, and now she is gone.

For a bleak moment, it seems everything is futile, Amanda another casualty in her war against the Graysons. But then Emily remembers that what she told Aiden also holds true for her. She can’t bring Amanda back, but she can honor her. She can live to fight another day, fight back against the Graysons and stop them from taking anyone else she loves.

It isn’t until she shoots the flare and sees it light up the sky that Emily realises: she’s been thinking of her as Amanda. More, she hasn’t thought of her as Emily in a long time. 

She herself is Emily Thorne now, and Amanda Clarke is dead and lost forever.

Emily Thorne, died and born again on a gush of cold salt water and tearing grief.

 

Nolan finds her, clinging wet and shaking with cold.

“Ems!” 

She slips as she tries to climb on board the speedboat, and nearly falls back into the icy darkness, but Nolan catches her and hauls her on board. 

“Jack?” she demands, teeth chattering. 

“Safe,” Nolan says. “I came straight back for you. Amanda?”

 _Gone_ she thinks, but she finds she can’t bring herself to say it, just shakes her head and bites her lip. She sees from the horror and sympathy on his face that he’s read the truth in hers.

“Oh Ems,” he says, voice cracking, as he wraps his arms around her, chin resting on her head. She thinks of him trawling the waters, searching for her, throat hoarse from shouting her name. 

Here is another person who loves her. Another person whose affections she has exploited for her own ends. Another person she hasn’t protected enough. 

Nolan: ally, sidekick, friend. _The only real family I’ve got._

She looks up at him, blinking the water from her eyes. 

Nolan clears his throat and pulls away.

“I brought blankets. Here, we need to get you back to dry land, you’re freezing.” 

He wraps something around her, more than one layer. She can hardly feel it, soaked through to the bone. But then his hand brushes her cheek, a shock of heat, and it’s like the flare all over again. 

She’s spent so much time in mourning and seeking revenge for the family she lost, she hasn’t stopped to think about the family she’s found. 

“Nolan –”

He turns back to her and she hesitates. But she has to say this now. She won’t make the same mistake with Nolan that she made with Amanda. She can’t leave it too late again. 

“I love you,” she says. 

He stares at her with shocked, unguarded warmth, and for that one moment she doesn’t feel the cold.


End file.
